


caturday

by vvelna



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Flash Fic, M/M, Supernatural Elements, au where phil isn't allergic to cats aka the best timeline
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-20
Updated: 2018-04-20
Packaged: 2019-04-25 14:36:43
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 492
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14380707
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/vvelna/pseuds/vvelna
Summary: A cat appears in Dan and Phil's kitchen.





	caturday

A black cat appeared on the kitchen counter one morning.

“Oh!” said Phil, jumping a little and putting his hand over his heart.

“Oh,” Dan agreed.

The cat stretched dramatically, back arched, toes splayed.

Phil started to approach, holding out a hand.

“Hi, kitty. Where did you come from?”

“I climbed up to the balcony,” it said, in a soft, clear voice.

Phil yelped and jumped back.

“ _Jesus fucking_ …” Dan grabbed the door frame to steady himself.

“I’m sorry to intrude upon you like this, but I need a place to stay for the next five to six weeks, and the pigeons say you’re very generous.”

“There must be a gas leak in this apartment too,” said Phil. “This is _Final Destination_. We can’t outrun death, Dan.”

“No…no, I’m definitely just asleep.”

“I don’t know about any gas leak, but I think we’re all awake here,” said the cat.

Then it stuck a hind leg in the air and started licking its asshole.

“Do you have to do that right now?” said Dan. “And on our fucking countertop?”

The cat looked up and yawned.

“So, what do you say? Can I stay here for a bit?”

Phil opened his mouth to speak, but Dan cut him off.

“We need to talk privately for a second. Excuse us.”

He grabbed Phil’s arm and dragged him to the lounge. He started pacing back and forth while Phil sat on the sofa.

“We need to get this thing out of here. Now.”

“But it’s so cute!”

Phil had already become emotionally attached.

“It’s gonna kill us in our sleep, Phil.”

“We can just lock the bedroom door. Come on, Dan. It’s a _talking cat!_ ”

He made a face that no grown man should be capable of making, and Dan felt his resolve slipping away.

“Fine. But if this goes wrong, I’m blaming you.”

Phil shrugged. His brain had already run through half a dozen unfortunate scenarios ranging from the landlord finding out, to the entire planet being enslaved by highly intelligent Cat Aliens. But the novelty of the whole thing was just too enticing. Besides, if the Cat Aliens really were going to take over the Earth, it was probably a smart move to be kind to their ambassadors.

Back in the kitchen, the cat was lying on its back, fluffy belly exposed in a disgustingly adorable way, its little pink tongue poking out.

Dan felt like he was being emotionally blackmailed from all sides.

“So, have you reached a decision?”

“Yes,” said Phil. “You can stay. But you can’t let anyone know you’re here. And, um…please don’t pee on all our stuff.”

“Lovely! Let me just get the payment…”

It hopped off the counter and pranced out of the room, then came back dragging a paper bag behind it with its teeth. The bag started to tear open, revealing that it was stuffed with £20 notes.

“You can stay forever,” said Phil.


End file.
